Self-care Is Not Selfish, It’s The Right Thing To Do
She believes it will be selfish of her to take care of herself first, like having an “alone” time with a good book to read and a cup of her favorite drink/tea, spending time with the girls to do just girl stuff, serving herself food before her husband and children, taking a warm and perfumed bath on weekends all by herself, taking a day off to relax, or taking the long-overdue, well-deserved vacation from any kind of work, especially housework.
For women who sacrifice so much of self for others, there’s always a holo look in their eyes, a faraway look of regret. But they’ll rather die than admit it to anyone or even to themselves for that matter, that they need rest for a while from all the housework.
Darren is my friend, she got married at age 18 when she was in her first year at the university, nothing wrong with that anyway. What is rather wrong is that she is now 42 and has been toiling since she got married under the heavy burden of taking care of her family.
She has five children, her first child is 20 years and the last is 10. When you add her husband to the bargain, you’ll realize that she’s taking care of 6 people, and herself making it 7 people. That’s why she doesn’t have time to take care of herself.
The topic of this piece may sound like a cliche but it’s also one important piece of advice for women, especially for female entrepreneurs who look after everyone but themselves. This is one piece of advice you need to heed now before it’s too late.
The advice is this, “Make your well-being a top priority, don’t wait until you’re sick or burnt-out to take care of yourself.” If you don’t start now, it may be late in the sense that you’ll no longer be healthy and strong enough to do anything for anyone not even for yourself.
I’ve seen so many female entrepreneurs prioritize business or others’ needs above their own, and that can quickly lead to you feeling exhausted and unmotivated. Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s important to be able to fill up your own cup so that you can show up fully for others.
Yeah, that’s the advice. It’s one thing for me to give you this advice, it's another thing for you to heed it and practice it. But I tell you, only the person who cares for you will give you this kind of advice.
What is self-care and why is it important?
Some people believe self-care is synonymous with self-indulgence or being selfish. But this is a misconception. Self-care means taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy, you can be well, you can do your job, you can help and care for others, and you can do all the things you need to and want to accomplish in a day.
Selfcare is giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you. It is paying attention to what you need. Because, believe me, most often, no one will take care of your needs. Why? You have made everyone believe you are the superwoman who can handle it all. But a time may come when you break down. What will you do then?
Self-care encourages you to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself so that you can transmit good feelings to others. You cannot give to others what you don't have yourself. Some may misunderstand self-care as selfish, but it’s not.
When it comes to self-care, Oprah Winfrey advises that you should fill your own cup first. Self-care simply means taking care of yourself. It's as simple as that. No one is asking you to do more than that.
Women should love themselves first and more, because if you fall sick while “slaving” it out for your family, you may be surprised that your husband may not be able to devote the kind of time you devote to him, to you.
Practicing good self-care means you'll need to dedicate time every day that would otherwise be spent on other people, or activities, and start spending it doing healthy and enriching things for yourself.
What are the benefits of Selfcare?
Taking time out to maintain self-care has several benefits. For instance, it may boost physical health. Self-pampering may not always lead to major improvements in overall health the way healthy diet and exercise do, but the relaxation you get from it can trigger wellbeing. This, in turn, can prevent chronic stress from damaging your health. So in a sense, self-care is good for you inside and out.
Can Improve Emotional Health
You need to take time out to care for yourself. This will help remind you and others that you and your needs are important, too. A well-cared-for body can make you feel good about yourself and your life and conveys to others that you value yourself. This can contribute to long-term feelings of well-being.
Makes You a Better Caregiver
When you fail to take care of your own needs and neglect to nurture yourself, you become prone to deeper levels of unhappiness, low self-esteem, and feelings of resentment. And people who spend their time only taking care of others can be at risk of getting burned out, which makes it more difficult to care for others or themselves. Taking time to care for yourself regularly can make you a better caretaker for others.
Self-Care for Stress Management
There are several different ways to focus on self-care. Many involve making time to get enough sleep, prioritizing healthy meals, ensuring a balance of leisure time in your schedule, and making time for friends.
A simple but often overlooked form of self-care is having a self-pampering experience regularly in your own home. Taking a few hours for a spa experience is an effective way to manage stress.
Provides a Break from Stress
Taking a break in a tub of warm bubbles or under the warm hands of an experienced masseuse can help you feel like you’re escaping a stressful reality and taking a mental and emotional vacation. This triggers the relaxation response and allows you to come back to the reality of your life feeling refreshed and relaxed.
Offers Time Alone
While different people have varying degrees of introversion and extroversion, having some time alone is important for most people’s functioning. When you’re relaxing by yourself, it’s much easier to slip into a state of quiet meditation, enjoy some self-reflection, or let your problems work themselves out in the back of your mind without taking all of your focused concentration.
Generates Soothing Feelings
Giving your body some special treatment is a natural way to relieve stress. Other than keeping your skin soft and your body in good repair, spa-related activities like massage and warm baths have been known to soothe even small colicky babies. Such activities continue to be effective tools for relaxation as we get older, but we sometimes forget to utilize them.
Paula Gill Lopez, Ph.D., an associate professor and chair of the department of psychological and educational consultation at Fairfield University in Fairfield, Connecticut, says the need for self-care is obvious. “We have an epidemic of anxiety and depression,” she says. “Everybody feels it.”
Examples of Self-Care Strategies that Work
Once you’ve decided it’s time to start nurturing yourself and your body, be sure to plan some time for this. Try to schedule a time and place where you won’t be interrupted. Try some or all of the following self-care strategies.
Eat a healthy meal.
Engage in exercise.
Drink plenty of water.
Practice good sleep hygiene (take time to have a siesta in the afternoon especially on weekends when you’ll probably be at home.
Sit in the sunlight.
Be alone and read a book you love, a cup of your favorite tea by the side, and love yourself all over again. Reflect on the things that give you joy.
Go for a brisk walk: Exercise can be just as good for your mind as it is for your body. Though you might not always feel like you have time to hit the gym or to engage in an intense workout, fortunately, a brisk walk can be an excellent self-care strategy.
Engage your senses: A good way to relax and find a sense of inner peace is to engage your senses. Consider taking a hot bath, light a scented candle, listen to soothing sounds, or drink some herbal tea.
Get a massage: This one can be especially nice. If your budget doesn’t allow for regular massages with a professional, see if you can trade with a friend or your spouse, or use an electronic massager.
Take a bath: Get out the bubbles, oils, and scented soaps, and soak until you’re wrinkled.
Schedule social time: A big part of self-care is maintaining your social connections. Make an effort to carve out time to see friends and family.
Deep-condition your hair: While you’re in the tub, put on a deep-conditioning treatment for your hair, and let it work as you relax.
Deep-clean your pores: With a clay facial masque, you can draw impurities out of your skin and stress out of your system.
Care for your feet: After you soak your feet to soften calloused skin, use a pumice stone to slough off dead skin. Finish with rich foot cream and perhaps nail polish.
Nourish your skin: Rich, luxurious creams smell wonderful and feel smooth, especially if you exfoliate your skin in the tub before putting them on.
Tend to your nails: Correct the beating your nails probably take from your busy life (especially for those of you who bite your nails) by filing and buffing.
I tell you, if you can find time to do these (above), you’ll have more joy and strength and be rejuvenated. You’ll bounce back a new person for the family you love. They want to see you happy and healthy, not tired and worn out all the time.
Kelsey Patel, a Los Angeles–based wellness expert and the author of the book, Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki, and Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety, and Stress, says, “Self-care is part of the answer to how we can all better cope with daily stressors.” She explains that the stress of trying to keep up with the pace of daily life, which technology has made more stressful, necessitates the need for each person to inculcate self-care into their daily routine.
Just think how many emails come flooding into your inbox each day, and a host of other things you have to juggle within a day. “People are feeling lonelier and less able to unwind and slow down, which makes them feel more anxious and overwhelmed by even the simplest tasks,” Patel says. That’s the more reason people need “a me-time,” to unwind and rejuvenate.
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